having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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