My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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