dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
