Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
