come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
