I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Send help, water and tortillas.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
