At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
