We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
