Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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