Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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