can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
