she was so not down for the gang bang
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
