Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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