fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
