Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
