Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
this is an emotional support booty call
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
