JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
