The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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