he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
She's the barista slut.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
