Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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