So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
