That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
