I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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