you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
