I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
