shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
