i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
