Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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