i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Operation Purity has been aborted
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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