Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
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