i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
