I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
