How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
