just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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