i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
