So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have aggressive nipples.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
