i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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