I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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