Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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