we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
