Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
