If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
