if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
