Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
