Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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