There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
as a side note pls kill me
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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