idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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