I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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