May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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