When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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