god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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