We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
